Catching Up: Josiah

I figure, what better what to start my blog than to talk about the people at the heart of everything I do? And, I might as well begin with the oldest- my "biggest little" as I call him. Josiah is a walking, talking answer to so many prayers, as motherhood was always something I desired expected for my life, but something that did not come as easily as I anticipated. There's a long, long story behind all of this. In fact, it's a story that was written in another blog in real-time as I walked that journey. So, at least for today, I don't want to rehash it. I just want to express that the moments I found out I was pregnant with Josiah and then welcomed him into my arms, were moments when I knew that God saw every tear and heard every cry- that He was with me in the dark nights when I laid alone in my hurt and my stomach literally ached to carry a child.

And, then, all of the sudden, he was here.

He was 7 lb, 13 oz, of perfection. From his first hours, he had his eyes wide open, taking the whole world in.

He was an incredibly easy baby. Any difficulties, I can say in hindsight, were simply because we were new parents and were adjusting to another person in our house. He was inquisitive, an explorer from the beginning. He was full of joy and so expressive. I remember telling Jesse (and him agreeing) that I believed Josiah was completely and utterly hand-crafted by God just for us. Our perfect little boy!

Our real struggles began when what we thought were terrible 2's didn't stop by 3 and continued to 4 years old. By then, the meltdowns that usually accompany these terrible toddler years didn't seem to be getting any better. And I had no idea what to do with him. It was then that I realized Josiah was an answer to prayer, certainly, but that God may teach me things through parenting him that I didn't expect. Not all lessons come through pleasant experiences. In fact, through my life, I know for a fact that my greatest moments of growth came at the times I felt the most overwhelmed by life's burdens. I had the hardest time in social situations. For instance, I would drop Josiah off in the childcare programs at church or at MOPS, but often would have to be called back to pick him up because he would meltdown and the workers couldn't handle it anymore. I stopped attending a class at one church because of how they handled (or couldn't) his behavior. Then, I had to stop bringing him to church with me at our regular church on Sundays because he couldn't make it through a full hour. Going to birthday parties or other social gatherings made me feel like my child was the difficult one of the group- a feeling I never wanted or expected to have. I fully remember attending a play date with my MOPS group to the fire station and realizing that it clearly wasn't his age that was affecting his behavior when I saw all of the other kids able to listen attentively to the firefighters. I cried all of the way home, as I thought, "something is wrong with my kid."

We sought help from his pediatrician who gave us a list of organizations we could explore. We talked to EC Cares who agreed he qualified for therapy, but couldn't diagnose him with anything. Annoyed at the drawn out process and lack of answers, we contacted the The Child Center where the evaluated Josiah and diagnosed him with ADHD. I was previously skeptical of that diagnosis, believing it was a scapegoat of a label, but I found that it did seem to match some of Josiah's actions, and there was peace in finally having an answer. 

Then, Josiah began preschool. I held him back a "grade", so he attended the 3-Year-Olds class even though he was already 4. This seemed the best choice due to his immaturity and lack of schooling thus far. He had an EC Cares therapist meet him at school 2 days a month, and I had constant communication with his teacher about his behavior. And, by the end of the year, the 3 of us agreed that Josiah no longer showed any signs of ADHD. He still had his own quirks, but he was a totally different kid than 8 months earlier. I don't know whether to attribute it to his fantastic teachers or time that allowed him to mature or a structured environment, although I believe all played a part.

After that, Josiah skipped the 4-Years-Olds class and moved right into Pre-K, where he started attending class 4 days a week. I watched him go from drawing scribbles to illustrating people.

He learned how to spell the word "love" his very first week. 

He learned every letter of the alphabet, its sound, and how to say it in sign language. He learned to count to 100. He can write his name and dozens of other words, not to mention all that he learned about animals and holidays and weather, etc. It makes me extremely emotional to know that Josiah's days at this amazing school are over, but I'm incredibly thankful that Micah and Asher will get to attend there throughout the next 4 years.

And, now, my biggest little guy is heading off to kindergarten!

He melts my heart into one giant puddle!

Can I tell you that deciding which kindergarten he was going to attend felt as monumental as choosing a college?! What school would be best for his personality or needs? How did it rank academically? Did it feel comfortable and welcoming? Did they have family activities or extracurricular activities? How big or small was it? How many kids in each class? Not only would it be where Josiah would go, but his two little brothers would also attend there AND it would affect which middle and high schools they would transfer to. So (not that it's an unchangeable decision) this choice was potentially affecting the next 20 years of schooling for my 3 children! Jeez Louise! No pressure there... (insert sarcasm)

This summer has been eye-opening for me. I am blown away by the things that comes out of Josiah's mouth, both words of wisdom that put me in my place and off-the-wall remarks that keep me laughing. I am dumbfounded that my "baby" is so big now. I don't have a toddler or preschooler anymore (not in Josiah), but I have a school-aged kid! We're going to be celebrating his 6th birthday in a month! He's literally a little boy- a complete little person with opinions and emotions who has conversations with me and asks a bajillion questions a day. He is one of the most loving people I've ever met. It takes everything I have to lift his 50+ lb body, and though he's just 1 foot shorter than me, he will crawl into my arms and snuggle in deeply. I treasure this so much and hate the idea that he'll someday (likely soon) be too big for me to hold. He's still full of emotion, getting his feelings hurt easily when things don't go his way, but I see a lot of myself in that. Being an emotional person means you love wholeheartedly, anger intensely, hurt immensely, - it's all of the emotions, but each just more strongly than the average person. I just pray that God uses me as his mom to help him process those emotions, express them in a healthy way, and to not be ruled by them. We use phrases like "choose joy" and "it's ok to be sad, but..." in our house A LOT. I sometimes worry about how he'll handle a big class in public school with his sensitive heart, but I also know that I can be his biggest advocate during this time, as I build a rapport with his teacher and continue to help shape his behavior at home.

I am just constantly astounded by Josiah. He "makes my heart happy", as he often tells me, and I'm so excited to see the big boy, teen, and man that God has created- is creating- Josiah to be. 

I'll end with a selfie from today. The kid literally asked me to take a selfie. I'm not even sure where he learned that word from...